Consent, be ware of making presumptions!

I have been thinking about consent, the consent involved in total power exchange: 24/7 D/s; I am also querying deeply on just how much consent the slave understands is being required of him or her, not just in the moment but in standing, ongoing consent.

This is something Glenn Marcus perhaps did not spend enough time thinking of. Consensual non-consent is edgy stuff and requires a level of integrity from the Dominant that perhaps Marcus was not mindful of.

As I begin this, I wish to acknowledge Mistress Matisse for her very articulate discussion of this subject in her column, The Control Tower, published in The Stranger, 29 March 2007, page 94 (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=187270)

Consent. This is a concept that seldom is discussed yet has such a burden of expectation on it for the outcome; not just the moment but for the duration of the relationship and in some cases, even beyond that.

What bright eyed bride knows what she is exactly consenting to when she says, “I do”? What anticipative groom has ever thought of the responsibility of the relationship when he says, “I do”? What 20 something kid knows he can always shack up with Mom and Dad when he gets fired from his job?

In my lifestyle, consent is carefully, thoughtfully looked at and discussed. Hopefully it is anyway! Limits are discussed, specifically naming those activities that will not be engaged in. Do they match, why/why not? Are these mutually acceptable?

What expectation does the slave have in his deeply felt passion in yielding control? I have one fellow; he wants to be sissified and controlled. He writes, “wants to be fully controlled and kept by you my lady; pull me so deep into your life mistres."

This is where a dominant must be careful and insist on answers to questions to confirm how deeply, what limits are understood. Is this a momentary-pre orgasm declaration or a post orgasm declaration? (There is a difference!) How consistent has this individual’s declaration been?

Another individual, older, presumably wiser, quite experienced in the “scene” has given voice to his inner voice/passion. He writes, ”then i beg you... please...i am begging... no respect...no...status...video me taking off the leathers...kneeling...having a collar put on and a leash...spit on and called...what i so seek to be...in Your eyes...a pathetic loser...i so desire to me called that...and to be called those names and faggot...never again XXXXXXX...and not until i have earned the right to be called xxxxx, never again to be treated with respect!”

Is there any question that these individuals are providing a blanket consent, yielding on every issue for my pleasure and satisfaction? In such a case, my limits, my standards, my integrity, my responsibility for the care and nurturing of these individuals must be of the highest order.

In five, ten, 25 years, when/if this relationship ends, can this individual be released and be better for the experience? Can this individual depart and not have to deal with continuing backlash of the former relationship?

Note: In some cases, it is the slave providing the momentum for this quality of relationship, the consensual non-consent. It is not always originating with the dominant—something to think about.

Consent is crucial, it can be non verbal cues such as in the light exchange between giggling spouses playing with the hairbrush. It is crucial and negotiated between the prodom and the client, between the Mistress and her slaves, the Master and his girl.

Have fun in your relationships but remember, be very careful of making presumptions about consent—they just might bite you in the ass.

Always, forever, and ever and …………….how long?

These words are often expressed with passion, a determined commitment and faith in the moment.

Sometimes that moment of consent lasts until the next orgasm for a client.

Sometimes that moment of consent is again and again confirmed by continuing mutual sharing, planning and companionship that goes on without interruption. More power to them; yippee!

Sometimes that consent is given even before the relationship begins. Such is the case with a boy I am meeting for the first time tomorrow—He has not even met me yet he is passionate in his desire to submit to a 24/7 tpe—from his infant understanding way low in the learning curve. I wonder if it will still be there after being grilled by me for several hours!? This could play out so very many ways.

When you add the wonderful and exciting details of power exchange on it, relationships become even more complicated. No matter how “old” you are in the scene, or how new and uninformed you might be; remember to not take consent for granted. Remember to not take the relationship for granted. Making assumptions on either of those could lead to misunderstanding and damaged relationship.

I like to have weekly meetings with My family members and a weekly date with the individuals. During these meetings I am mindful that there is always an additional “character” at the conversation. That character is the objectified relationship.

Looking at your relationships as an object can reveal the health of it; what is your attitude toward it, what do you want from it –maybe something you are not getting? Are you communicating in fairness and honesty? Even in a power exchange—the slave must be able to state his needs without judgment or disrespect.

Then as you look at each other, the slave on his knees, the Mistress from her chair—or other scenario—you will know that you both seek the relationship with all its consent secured for another moment.